What Really Happens in Couples Therapy
No one enters a relationship expecting challenges to arise, yet relationships are rarely without obstacles. Whether it’s miscommunication, unspoken resentment, or simply drifting apart, maintaining a healthy partnership requires effort, understanding, and sometimes a bit of help. That’s where couples therapy comes in.
If you’ve been curious about what happens in couples therapy or if it’s the right choice for you, this guide is here to demystify the process. By the end, you’ll understand the basics of couples therapy, its benefits, and how work with a Registered Psychotherapist can help guide couples toward lasting change.
What Is Couples Therapy?
Couples Therapy, or Couples Counselling, is a structured process that helps couples identify and address issues in their relationship and work towards resolving them together. A Registered Psychotherapist creates a safe space where both partners can communicate openly, explore underlying concerns, and develop strategies to strengthen their connection.
Couples therapy isn’t exclusive to those in crisis. Many couples seek therapy to improve their communication, deepen intimacy, or prepare for life transitions such as marriage, parenthood, or retirement.
Common Issues Addressed in Couples Therapy:
Communication breakdowns
Trust issues or infidelity
Managing conflict healthily
Navigating life transitions (e.g., moving, having children)
Sexual or emotional intimacy challenges
Balancing differing values, goals, or priorities
What is Trauma and How Does It Impact Relationships?
Trauma refers to the emotional and psychological impact of deeply distressing events. It could stem from childhood experiences, past relationships, or even recent events like a loss or health challenge. Trauma doesn’t just affect us as individuals; it also affects how we connect and communicate with others.
In relationships trauma can:
Create emotional triggers that can lead to misunderstandings or conflict.
Cause people to shut down or detach when they feel overwhelmed.
Shape expectations of safety, love, and trust in relationships.
These patterns can unintentionally lead to hurt feelings, arguments, or even emotional distance between partners. That’s where trauma-informed couples counselling steps in—to rebuild connection in a mindful and compassionate way.
What Happens in a Session?
Wondering what a typical session looks like? While approaches vary based on the therapist’s style and the couple’s goals, certain patterns are common across most therapy frameworks.
1. A Safe Space First
Before exploring specific relationship dynamics, therapists prioritize creating an emotionally safe environment. Partners should feel comfortable expressing their thoughts without fear of judgment. This involves calming techniques, communication rules, and fostering mutual respect.
2. Identifying Problems
Therapists often begin by helping couples pinpoint the root causes of their struggles. It’s not just about surface-level arguments, but digging deeper to uncover patterns in behaviour or unresolved personal issues contributing to discord. For example, Terry Real’s Relational Life Therapy (RLT) is an approach I use to address deep-seated issues like power imbalances, chronic conflict, or the hidden wounds of trauma.
3. Acknowledging the Role of Trauma
The therapist helps partners understand how trauma might impact their emotional and behavioural patterns. This gives both individuals in the relationship a greater awareness of their reactions and how those reactions may affect the relationship. Whether it’s childhood trauma, previous relationships, or unmet personal needs, therapists help couples explore how individual histories influence current dynamics.
3. Reflective Listening and Communication Exercises
Often, couples find themselves operating in cycles of miscommunication. Therapists introduce tools to break these cycles, such as structured reflective listening, which ensures both partners truly hear and understand each other.
Tara Brach's Conscious Loving is an approach I use in my practice that emphasizes mindful awareness when communicating. Slowing down and staying present during discussions allows couples to respond thoughtfully, rather than react emotionally.
5. Learning New Techniques
Therapy isn’t just about talking; it’s about taking action. For example, Terry Real’s Relational Life Therapy (RLT) focuses on disrupting toxic patterns by helping couples adopt practical skills like emotional regulation and orienting to health. Tara Brach’s Conscious Loving encourages compassion and mindful presence. As you develop self-compassion, you will strengthen your capacity to show care and love to your partner. These changes empower both partners to co-create a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
6. Assigning Homework
Many therapists assign exercises to reinforce learning outside the therapy room. These can range from journaling about feelings to practicing specific communication techniques during discussions.
“Intimacy is not something you have; it’s something you do. And you can learn to do it better.”
The Transformative Benefits of Couples Therapy
Couples therapy is about much more than "fixing" problems. It’s a chance to grow individually and as a couple. Here are some key benefits:
1. Improved Communication
Therapy teaches essential tools to help couples express themselves clearly and listen without judgment. When communication improves, so does understanding and connection.
2. Resolving Conflict Constructively
Arguments are inevitable in any partnership, but therapy provides the framework to handle disagreements in a healthy way without resorting to defensiveness, blame, or criticism.
3. Strengthening Emotional Intimacy
Exploring feelings and vulnerabilities in a safe space helps partners reconnect on a deeper emotional level.
4. Breaking Harmful Cycles
By identifying and interrupting toxic behaviours, couples can break free of negative patterns that hold them back.
5. Rediscovering Joy Together
Therapy can help reignite the spark in a relationship. Many couples report feeling closer and more aligned in their goals and values after therapy.
Is Couples Therapy Right for You?
Therapy often feels like a big decision, and it’s natural to wonder whether it’s the right fit for your situation. Here are some signs it might be time to seek professional help:
You feel "stuck" in the same arguments without resolution.
Rebuilding trust seems impossible after an incident of infidelity or secrecy.
You feel emotionally disconnected from your partner.
External stressors (e.g., work, parenting, care-giving) are straining your relationship.
You want to establish healthy habits and communication before a major life event.
Remember, seeking therapy isn’t a sign of weakness or failure. It’s a proactive step toward building a stronger, healthier relationship.
Start Your Journey Toward a Healthier Partnership
Couples therapy is not about pointing fingers or assigning blame. It’s about working together—with the guidance of a professional—to build the relationship you both deserve.
If you’re ready to take the next step, know that you don’t have to do it alone. A therapy session with a compassionate expert can provide the clarity and tools you need to reconnect and move forward as a team. Click here to read more about my approach to couples counselling.
Interested in exploring how couples therapy can transform your relationship? Reach out for a free consultation. Let’s begin where you are. And move forward, together.
Real, T. (2022). Us: Getting past you and me to build a more loving relationship. Rodale Books.
